


The Star Spangled Man With A Past

by KirstieJ



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, M/M, Steve Rogers is Not a Virgin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-27
Updated: 2014-04-27
Packaged: 2018-01-21 01:29:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1532669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KirstieJ/pseuds/KirstieJ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony Stark and Steve Rogers take a wondrous trip through Steve's memories in order to test out a technology that might aid in the memory restoration of Bucky Barnes. </p><p>Tony quickly learns there is more to Steve than he ever realised. He's definitely not as pure and innocent as everyone assumed, at the very least. Steve reluctantly shares his past with Tony, though, honestly, it's a little relieving to not have all of his secrets tucked away somewhere dark anymore. </p><p>(it's more silly than serious, but I hope not too ooc)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Star Spangled Man With A Past

**Author's Note:**

> So obviously I'm taking some liberties with what happened in the movies and whatnot. I don't think Howard was in a relationship during Cap 1, for instance, but he is here so whatever. 
> 
> This is fanfiction, after all, so hopefully you enjoy it anyway.

"This technology seems pretty invasive, Stark."

Tony tapped a couple keys before turning his head to Captain Rogers. His expression was one that might make another feel stupid, but Steve was used to it and knew his intelligence was great, regardless of how little of what Stark said made sense to him most of the time.

"That's the point, Rogers. It helps redevelop memories in the brain. Kinda hard to go through somebody else's memories without being invasive. The intent is to help strengthen the old, correct neural pathways, rather than false memories implanted over them. This is for your friend, Cap. You don't have to do it, but I doubt there's a better way to develop this tech. Look at this way, do you think there is any chance of me tracing somebody else's memories back to the 1940s after they've been frozen and tampered with? You go out and find me another test subject, then you can get out of doing it yourself."

Steve was only just able to resist the urge to roll his eyes at Tony. "I'm not trying to get out of doing it. I'll just say this now. Your opinions of me are going to change if you access certain memories from my past, and that is not my fault."

Tony snorted, "Oh yeah? Are trying to say you secretly have a dirty, grungy past, Mr Star Spangled Man? I know you're not perfect, Rogers, I'm not that stupid, or naive. We all have stuff we want to hide, but I doubt it's drastic enough to warrant your dramatics."

"I'm simply not as... pure and innocent as I would have you believe. You'll see, if we're going through with this."

Tony's eyebrows told Steve he had his doubts, while Steve's eyes told Tony he was dead serious about what he said. "Alright. Whatever. I'm sure I can guarantee it's not as bad as half the nights I can't remember from my own past."

"Be that as it may. Most of you are under the impression I'm still a virgin, right?"

Tony just sort of stared and Steve shrugged, "You've been warned. And this stays between us, Stark."

"You got it, Captain. Kindly take a seat," Tony gestured to the chair beside Steve. It was big and had many contraptions attached, presumably all needed to tap into the memories of whoever sat in the chair.

Steve sat and allowed Tony to hook him up to the machine, his gut telling him this was a bad idea.

"Okay. Now, first I'm going to make sure I can access neural pathways that far back. As I said, You'll essentially be in a memory and I'll be able to see and possibly feel what you do."

"Fantastic."

"The snark. Let's fire this baby up."

As Tony started the machine, Steve became more nervous. Tony sped through recent memories as fast as he could, retracing neural networks Steve's brain created through experience. They both shivered briefly at the flash of memories of New York and other SHIELD missions, but those were gone quickly enough. They went through a brief period of darkness that represented the decades Steve was frozen in ice, then sped through until Tony found a strong emotional period pre-serum. The emotional memories were the easiest to access, another reason Steve had been reluctant to participate.

Tony moved a little before the emotional bit, just to see how well the old memories held, and to get the full story. He was a nosy bastard and Steve practically begged him to snoop with the way he was acting.

This particular memory had Steve at a desk in a cramped apartment, sketching a cat on a chair until he was startled from his seat by a knock on the door.

Memory Steve got up to answer it and was greeted by the very reason for this memory contraption.

Bucky Barnes.

A noticeably intoxicated Bucky Barnes.

"Fuck," present Steve muttered, breaking Tony's concentration and earning himself a look. "You'll see," was his only explanation, so Tony refocused his attention on the memory.

In the memory, Steve had opened the door for his friend and they went to lean against the kitchen counter. Steve had insisted Bucky drink some water.

"We need to talk," Bucky told him.

"Do we?" Steve asked, holding out a glass.

"Yes, in fact, we do. It's about how you look at me, Steve. A coupla ways you look at me, really."

Tony could feel the emotional mark start to take place, with Steve's anxiety level rising at his friend's words and accusing tone.

"You are sauced, Bucky," Steve shook his head.

"I am not. Just drunk enough to be able to start this conversation. And boy, it's been long coming. It needs to happen now."

"Alright, fine. What about how I look at you?" Steve asked, feeling at least a little confused but mostly anxious.

"First, there's how you look when I'm like this. Drinkin'. Out with broads. D'you think I'm going to hell, Steve?"

"What? Where is this coming from, Bucky?"

"Do you think I'm going to hell?" Bucky's eyes narrowed.

"You're one of the best men I know, Buck. You do the right thing, stick up for people when they can't."

"Yeah, but am I going to hell? For having sex before gettin' married?"

"I, well, I dunno. I mean, it's in the bible, but I don't think you're going to hell."

"There's an awful lot in the bible, Steve. And, ain't it your duty, as a good Christian boy, to help keep others on track? You never said anything to me when you saw me go off with girls, just gave me those looks."

"It's not my place to judge, and I'm not judging you anyway. There are worse things you could do, by me and by God."

"Right, okay." Bucky looked away from Steve, but Steve kept looking. He noticed, then, how white Bucky's knuckles were where he gripped the edge of the counter he was leaning against. Steve's body was facing the counters, and he had no idea where to go from there. He was a bit relieved when Bucky started talking again, but not for long.

"I'm not sure you got the right idea about me, anyway. You don't think I'm lyin' to those dames, do you? It's not like I tell them I love them, or trick 'em into doing anything they don't want to do. I've only ever actually had sex a coupla times, and they knew exactly what they were getting into, honest."

"I never asked you to explain yourself to me, Buck, it's okay. You don't need to. I don't think you're going to hell for premarital sex with someone you don't love. It's really not that uncommon, it'd be damning and awful lot of otherwise innocent people for something pretty minor."

"You really believe that?"

Steve swallowed, "Yeah. Why shouldn't I? Like you said, the bible says a lot of things, some of 'em even contradict each other. Doesn't mean I believe in God any less.."

"Okay, okay. So, you aren't judging me when you give me those looks, I guess. You aren't worried I'm goin' to hell. But those aren't the only looks you give me. You give me more dangerous looks than that, Steve."

Steve's heart rate sped up again, as he looked at Bucky. Bucky stared back at him, eyes cloudy and mouth a straight line. "What do you mean?" Steve asked, holding the gaze.

"I see the way you look at me, when you think I'm not looking, Steve. Usually it's around here, you're good at not doing it around others. You might slip up one day, though, and get yourself in a world of trouble. Not that you don't do that all the time, anyway," Bucky suddenly cracked a small smile. "Still, you got me worried, bub."

"I.. I don't know, what you mean," Steve's breathing was faster now, his face warmer.

"Don't play dumb, Steve," Bucky said, leaning in, narrowing his eyes as he spoke the word 'dumb'.

"I-I'm not! How do you think I look at you?"

"Steve... you look at me... like you look at art," Bucky started, hands leaving the counter to emphasize his points. He was no longer looking at Steve. "You look at me like I'm mysterious, beautiful, crafted with some great intention or something. You look at me like I'm too good to touch, like you can't get too close. That's how you look at me. You look at me like you want me."

"That-that's not true," Steve swallowed. He was truly panicking now, feeling like his friendship was on the line here. He was scared. He didn't think Bucky would go so far as to try to 'teach him a lesson' himself or anything, but even that fear crossed his mind as he watched his friend slowly look back at him.

"Bullshit."  
Steve's brows furrowed, he said nothing. He couldn't read Bucky's expression at all. He didn't have enough of a mind to try, most of it was racing with thoughts of possibilities of where this could go next.

Bucky shook his head, turning to face Steve instead of the wall or counter, "I know you already get enough shit, but people really don't take kindly to people like..."

Steve shut his eyes for a beat, blew out a breath, licked his lips, before opening his eyes to meet Bucky's gaze yet again.

"They-they don't take kindly to people, people like. Us."

Steve's heart stopped. He swore it did. "Us?" he whispered. Steve slowly turned to face Bucky, and Bucky reached out for him. He moved closer. His mind and heart kicked into overdrive, this was not something he was prepared for, but it was already happening and Steve had no way of stopping it.

"Us," Bucky repeated, nodding with his eyes closed. He opened them again, looking Steve up and down. He hands were on Steve's neck, one thumb pressing behind Steve's ear.

"I.. I don't know what to say, Bucky..."

"Don't say anything," Bucky said, voice becoming small, "just kiss me."

"HEYYO," Tony nearly yelled, breaking both their concentration as Steve remembered the kiss he and Bucky shared.

"I warned you," Steve wasn't nearly as anxious remembering it as he had been in the moment, but his heart was still beating harder than normal.

"I wasn't expecting that."

"It gets worse, believe me. This isn't even the half of it, Stark. You're gonna be surprised."

"I already am. Jesus, what did you get up to back then?"

"How much of my memory are you going to go through, cause you very well might find out."

"I just want to go over a few pre-serum and post-serum things before you get covered in ice, make sure everything's intact. This memory's still running, and the emotional stamp is still vivid."

"It's not over," Steve sighed. They both fell silent as the Bucky leaned his head on Steve's shoulder. Steve's tongue was heavy from the taste of alcohol in Bucky's mouth.

"Maybe you should sit down. Hey, let's go to the bedroom."

Bucky chuckled and Steve rolled his eyes, "Not like that. C'mon."

They two made it to the bedroom easily and sat down. Bucky slide his hand on the back of Steve neck and kissed him again.

"Wow," Tony muttered.

"Fuck off," Steve glared at him.

"Hey, I'm not saying anything," Tony hissed back, "I don't care who you kissed. Lord knows I've kissed a couple guys in my day."

"Are you sure you don't think I'm going to hell?" Bucky said, grabbing the attention of the bickering superheroes again.

Steve swallowed again and shrugged a little.

"Do you think I'm going to hell for kissing you? Do you think you're going to hell for kissing back?"

"We aren't going to hell, Bucky."

"We shouldn't go to hell. It's not even my fault. You're not going to hell no matter who you kiss, Steve. You're so good. So wonderful. Practically perfect, but not quite, and you're okay with that which is what makes you almost perfect. It was so impossible not to fall in love with you," Bucky's head was back on Steve's shoulder. Steve swore their kissing had made his friend much drunker than the alcohol had, or maybe he just hadn't noticed how very drunk Bucky was until now because he was preoccupied with worry.

"It's okay, Bucky," Steve leaned his head on Bucky's, eyes focused on the base of lamp in the corner because he had nowhere else to look.

"Y'know, I thought... maybe if I could just get with a dame, I wouldn't feel this way anymore. It didn't work, Steve."

Steve put his hand on Bucky's knee, giving him a reassuring squeeze. He heard Bucky's breath intake spike, then the faintest of choking sounds. "It's okay. You aren't going to hell for loving somebody."

"Even if we aren't going to hell, we have to face the people. We will, if someone finds out."

"They won't." Steve swallowed, "you're leaving, anyway."

"I know, I know." Bucky lifted his head to kiss Steve again. Steve noticed how misty Bucky's eyes were, but didn't say or do anything but kiss back.

"We should get some shut-eye, Buck," Steve whispered after another moment or two of kissing.

"Yeah," Bucky agreed, voice sounding reluctant.

Tony sped through them getting up and situated in bed together, and through the weird dreaming-memory Steve experienced after that. Remembering dreams was much different than remembering events, and Tony didn't even want to touch that.

"Have you seen enough of this?"

"Yeah, but there's another emotional marker next after you wake up. I'm nosy. What is it?"

"None of your business."

"C'mon, just tell me. We're friends. Besides, it's good to go over these unemotional periods to make sure the memory isn't spotty for them, so leaving it for now is fine."  
Steve's memory resurged once the dream was over and he was awake. He got up to use the bathroom and brush his teeth, then went to sit on the bed next to his sleeping friend and just think.

"Why didn't you let that last night run through, if you wanted to test for unemotional periods?"

"I wasn't thinking for a brief moment. What happens next?"

Steve let out an exasperated sigh, "Fucking watch, Stark. I'm not telling you, but you can relive it if you must."

Tony bunched his brows and shook his head, exasperated. Steve was more defensive than usual, and he felt like he probably shouldn't be pushing his buttons. He did anyway.

In the memory, Steve heard Bucky stir, but didn't look back at him.

"Steve?" he heard Bucky croak. He felt a warm hand on his forearm. He glanced back. Bucky's eyes looked tired and scared. "Oh, god. Steve, I'm so sorry."

Steve opened his mouth, but didn't say anything. He had no idea what to say.

"Say something, please. Steve?" Bucky looked a little like a kicked puppy, which gave a quick tug to Steve's heart.

Still, all he said was, "You should go get washed up. Brush your teeth." He shrugged.

Bucky crawled out of the bed and went to do as Steve suggested, still looking like a hurt animal. Steve took a few deep breaths, heart rate going up again for reasons Tony definitely didn't understand. Yet. Present Steve was sucking his breath through his teeth. Honestly, though, a part of him, a very small part of him, didn't mind sharing these memories with someone. They'd been kept between him and Bucky all these years, but they weren't sacred. He'd always wanted to tell someone, to be able to, like all the other guys when they found someone they cared about.

Bucky returned to the memory, his emotions spelled out clearly on his face. Steve stood up, looking up at him.

"Say something," Bucky repeated, "anything. I'm sorr-"

"No. I'm not gonna say anything, Bucky," Steve shook his head, "I'm just gonna kiss you."

Steve saw Bucky's eyes flare before he closed his own, skinny arms slinging over Bucky's shoulders as he pressed against him.

Things escalated quickly from there, with Steve grabbing a fistful of Bucky's shirt before letting go and moving his hand down Bucky's chest instead, slipping his hand underneath the shirt to feel his skin. Steve was biting Bucky's lip and groaning quietly against his mouth, parting only long enough to get Bucky's shirt over his head.

"Fuck, Steve," Bucky groaned back, hands on Steve's waist and moving to his back.

Steve walked them back to the bed and allowed himself to fall back, Bucky moving to lean over him. More kissing and touching occurred before they decided it was a good idea to situate better on the bed, moving closer to the middle.

"Bottom drawer," Steve gasped when he had a moment without his lips against Bucky's.

"What?" Bucky asked, eyebrows furrowing.

"Of the bedside table, the second drawer," Steve clarified, propping himself on his elbows as Bucky leaned back.

Bucky twisted and leaned in order to reach the drawer without moving too far.  
"Be careful," Steve muttered, watching him struggle. Bucky managed to dig around until he found what he assumed Steve was looking for. Bucky tossed the lotion back on the pillow and returned to Steve with a condom in his hand.

"Can't believe you have these," Bucky said, chuckling a little.

"Better safe than sorry. Not like I ever thought I'd use them," Steve shrugged.

"Your lucky day," Bucky joked.

"It is," Steve ran his fingers through Bucky's hair and pulled him into another long kiss, lying back and pulling Bucky with him. Bucky pulled Steve's shirt over his head, swiftly kissing down his chest. Steve's hands trailed down to Bucky's pants to push them down some. Bucky moved back up to aid Steve in getting in his pants off. While Bucky was there, Steve pushed up to kiss Bucky's neck, eliciting a gasp. Steve continued to kiss and suck on his neck while Bucky kicked his pants off, and as Bucky took off Steve's pants as well.

Before long, they were completely naked, bodies pressing together as they kissed and touched everywhere.

"Well, no wonder this is marked emotionally. You are totally about to get laid for the first time. It's downright magical," Tony snorted.

"You're taking this better than I expected. You're not at all uncomfortable watching me remember losing my virginity?"

"I've seen enough porn, Steve. The fact you hardly look like you do nowadays helps, too."

"I guess. The fact you can see this is starting to make me uncomfortable, though, and I was kinda hoping you'd be uncomfortable enough by now to, y'know, stop."

"Okay, okay. I've had enough," Tony quickly goes through memories until after the serum. He lets a normal memory play out, mostly in order to have a little chat with Steve. "So you're..."

Steve sighed, "I dunno. I was-uh.. am," Steve coughed, "in love with Bucky."

"Yikes," Tony sucked on his teeth, "no wonder you're actually letting me do this." Tony shook his head, "Seriously. If I had've known where that memory was going I probably would've slowed down, by the way. If you ask me to stop, I definitely will."

"I know, Tony. It's okay. I figured you'd be understanding, or at least that you wouldn't care. I kind of wanted someone to know at this point. We've never told anybody, not that we kissed, not that we fucked, not that we felt that way."

"That's rough, Steve. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Presently, we're a little better with that stuff, but, not incredibly. It's a little sad."

"Yeah. Even if I get him back," Steve shut his eyes. Tony looked back at him with a frown set on his lips. "Not sure how the world would react to Captain America having a boyfriend. One that was known as a ruthless assassin for the other side, nonetheless. Probably wouldn't go over well with the public, hm?"

"Fuck 'em."

"What?"

"You heard me. Who the fuck cares? Actually, you being involved with another guy would be damn good for the world to see. I hope you get him back, Cap. I really do."

"Thanks, Tony. You still haven't been through all my memories. Your opinion of me still has time to change."

Tony snorted, "Can it be worse than that? Not that that was bad. I just honestly believed you were a virgin."

"Okay, I am definitely not a virgin Tony. I'm not gay, either. I truly had feelings for Peggy. Have, even. It's not so easy for me to let go like that, with either of them."

"Oh? Bisexual, perhaps? Maybe pansexual."

"I don't know, Tony. Does it matter?"

"Only if people start asking. And then I guess you can say 'love is love'. So, back to my opinion of you changing. Does this, by any chance, have to do with my father?"

"Maybe a little," Steve shrugged. Tony glared at him. "You can go through and find memories of him, if you want. He is your father."

Tony shrugged again, "Maybe."

The next memory Tony stopped on did involve Howard Stark. He and Steve were sitting together, simply chatting. Howard winked at one of the USO girls hanging around, beckoning her over to whisper something in her ear. She giggled and whispered something back. Steve felt awkward as he witnessed this.

After the girls scattered, Steve took a long drink of alcohol. It, of course, had no effect on him.

"What's that uneasy look you've got on your face, Captain?"

"Nothing at all, Howard."

"C'mon Steve."

"Don't worry about it."

"Just tell me."

Steve sighed. "Okay," he started slowly, "I was just wondering, aren't you in a committed relationship?"

"Ooh," Howard nodded, realization dawning on his face. "Well, you see. Monogamy is a pretty bogus concept, if you ask me. My girl and I have an understanding, seeing as we're apart so often."

"Really?" Steve's voice was painted with skepticism, Howard just grinned.

"Really! Don't tell me you can resist those dames, Rogers, you're with them all the time." Howard chuckled.

Steve slowly shook his head, "I can hardly talk to women. I'm lucky I'm able to carry on normal conversation with them, let alone anything like.. that. Besides," Steve cleared his throat, "there's someone else."

Howard tapped his fingers on his glass, "Are you going steady?"

"Well, no."

"Does she know you like her?"

"Maybe?"

"I think you should use this as practice, then. C'mon. Upwards of 90% of those broads would drop their panties in a heartbeat if you came onto them, even if you fumbled and stuttered your way through it. I guarantee it. You'd have your pick of the fans, too! Why not take the opportunity while you're young and available? Doesn't mean you won't settle down with a dame and 'enjoy' monogamy later on." Howard smiled and lit a cigarette, brows pushed up at Steve, probably because of his expression.

Steve sighed again, louder this time, "You really don't have to worry yourself over this, Howard. I'm fine as I am."

Howard took a long drag from his cigarette before responding, "I hate to see you miss out, but I suppose we have very different ideas of what 'missing out' is, huh? Alls I know is, if I were in your place, I'd be having as much fun as possible."

Steve lifted his shoulders again, taking another drink. "Maybe I'll consider it, maybe not."

"Giving it some thought won't hurt, sonny," Howard grinned at him again. Steve left his expression at slightly exasperated and unamused. Howard chuckled and moved to stand.

"Well, I have some other business to attend to. It was great to catch up with you, Steve. I hope this conversation didn't put me in your bad books, now."

Steve stood as well, and allowed a little smile to sneak onto his lips, "Of course not, Howard. It was nice seeing you again." Steve extended his hand for a shake, and Howard obliged.

"Hopefully our paths with cross again soon."

"Of course."

Steve watched as Howard left chatting with the USO girl he'd talked to earlier. Her name was Susie and she was sweet, as far as Steve knew. He thought pretty much all of the girls were sweet, though. They were sweet to him, at least.

"So my father just tried to convince you to whore around a little before settling down with someone you really like." Tony looked back at Steve, eyebrows yet again perked.

"Yep," Steve said. "Too much information?"

"Nah. People do say I'm like him in a lot of ways. Let me guess: he succeeds."

Steve's lips were in a line. He avoided Tony's gaze just a beat too long, and Tony snorted. "Fucking seriously, Rogers? You slept with those USO girls? Damn. Hey, what about-"

"You skipped the memory where Bucky and I discussed the war. We both felt it best he kept up his reputation for charming ladies, and even though he wasn't interested in settling down with a woman, he was actually fine with having sex with him. He'd rather be having sex with me, but he liked sleeping with girls, too. I gave him the okay to do what he would, especially in order to make sure he didn't appear homosexual. He encouraged me to try to date around, he didn't want to damn me to a life of hiding. We didn't know if he was coming back, anyway. It was only fair we were both allowed to see or sleep with other people, really."

"Okay. And, Peggy?"

"Like Howard said, we weren't together. I didn't know if I'd ever tell her, and my situation with Bucky made my feelings for her really complicated. I was kind of a mess, back then. I think that's part of why I... Y'know. Everything was sort of a blur back then. Even with post-serum enhanced memory, it feels like parts of it just run together, especially after that conversation."

"I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to see it to believe it. And, actually, going through memories you find blurry now would be a really good idea, see if we can help distinguish them or if they're just gonna be like that."

Steve scoffed, but agreed, "Sure. Should be fun."

"Alright! The first encounter is probably marked with anxiety, right?"

"You got it," Steve puffed out some air. His head was beginning to hurt.

"Again, we can stop when you want to."

"I know."

With that, Tony speed through a few weeks of the shows and Captain America interacting with the girls in bashful and average ways. They seemed to enjoy teasing him, and Tony found that kind of adorable. Steve liked to work out, do art, and read in his spare time away from the shows and other people, everything was fairly mundane until one afternoon. Tony slowed it down before the emotional tag that had been added during the retracing stage of the process.

In the memory, Steve was tugging at the tight fabric of the pants he was wearing, still not out of his clothes from the show. He was alone with one of the showgirls, a fairly short brunette whose name was Alice.

"Thanks for coming with me," Alice said, turning to Steve. Her wrist was hurting, and he offered to go get some ice with her. Being on the road so much left things a little scattered, so certain supplies weren't always right there.

"It's no problem. Who would object to helping a pretty dame like you?" Steve said, trying to sound confident. He thought he did a decent job at it, his voice didn't completely falter.

"Oh, you're too kind." Steve could see Alice looked flustered, but not nearly as much as he felt.

"I-I'm serious. You've got beautiful eyes," Steve swallowed, running a hand through his hair, telling himself to stop it with the nervous gestures.

"Oh my, Captain. You sure know how make a girl blush."

Steve was one stupid decision away from saying 'Really?', but he was able to refrain. Instead, he just smiled at her as easily as he could, "It's never been too hard for me to tell the truth. I'm just doing the right thing, really."

Tony snorted, "You were totally cheesy, and she's still eating it up."

Alice giggled a little and took a step forward, "Is there a reason you brought this up, while we're here, alone?"

"Maybe," Steve swallowed again, reaching out to brush his fingers along her forearm.

Alice bit her lip, smiling, "I like the sound of that." She placed her hand on his chest, and he put his hand on her waist. She lifted off her heels, and he still had to bend down a considerable amount for their lips to meet. It was chaste, at first, but Alice quickly pressed up against him, kissing deeper. She lifted her leg to his hip, but Steve missed the cue to grab her thigh by a couple seconds.

She pulled back another couple moments later, and he let her leg go. "Am I the first you've, y'know...?"

"Huh? Uh, I've kissed before," Steve had to fight to keep everything calm. He was confused, nervous, and now a little aroused.

"I meant of us girls. You haven't been charmin' all our panties off?"

"N-no," Steve knit his eyebrows.

"I s'pose I would've expected to hear about it, by now, but I still just sorta assumed you'd be, y'know. Making some rounds." Alice shrugged a little, innocent.

Steve shook his head, "I uh. I'm not used to no-strings-attached, it's kind of something I'm just getting into here. I should have mentioned both those things before I kissed you, shouldn't have I?"

Alice raised her dark eyebrows at him, "Like I said, I assumed you'd done this with some of the other girls by now, so I know strings aren't involved here. It's okay if you wanna go slow, it's fine."

Steve nodded, "Okay. Good." He leaned down to kiss her again, really not wanting to talk anymore. This time, when she went to hook her leg around his waist, he slid his hand to her thigh, gently pressing her against him. Alice made a little noise and leaned back a bit. Steve gently pushed her to the wall. Everything was running much more smoothly, but Steve's heart was still beating out of his chest. It took ages to fatigue him when he was working out, but put him in situation like this and his body could stop functioning properly in the blink of an eye, he was sure. Of course, he had mentally prepped himself for this. He was able to, slowly, let his lust dictate what he was doing. And, really, he was following her lead. If she pressed her hips against him, he pressed his back. He just had to watch he didn't hesitate too much.

After a while of grinding though, Alice pulled back from their kiss, nearly panting. "Do you have protection?"

"Um, no. I honestly didn't think we would get this far. Do you mind if I just..." Steve trailed off, sliding his hand from her hip to her inner thigh, under her skirt a little ways.

"Mmh. That would be fine by me, Captain."

"Alright," Steve breathed. Together, they got off her panties, and he slid his hand between her legs again.

"Ooh, Captain America."

"You can call me Steve if you want. Or Captain America, I guess. It's up to you."

"Mmmh, okay."

"I don't think we need to really watch much more of thiiis," Tony cleared his throat.

"Yeah, no."

They sped through that encounter, until the next day. Tony stopped when Steve and Alice were with each other again, but not far from some of the other girls.

"So, um, Steve?"

"Yeah?" he looked at her. He felt pretty conflicted about what had happened last night, but he didn't regret it.

"Do you want to keep this between you and I? I definitely won't tell the other girls, if you want."

"Oh, uh.. I guess I don't mind, if you tell others."

"I'm not sure if I want to, but alrighty."

"Just do what you feel best." Alice nodded and gave him a quick hug, with a peck on the cheek before Steve left to find some paper and a pencil.

"When do things really start to blend together for you, Steve?"

"After the next girl I approach, which should be in a couple days."

"Oh boy." Tony sped until they reached that point. He was really thoroughly enjoying himself learning these dirty secrets about Steve. As bad as it was, he actually gained a little respect for the man. People who were too perfect pissed Tony off, and Steve often came off like that.

In the memory, Steve stepped closer to the redhead still in her uniform. Her name was Marie, she had a beautiful face and mischievous eyes.

"Hey, uh, what's cookin good lookin?" Steve gave her a little grin, hoping he was coming off as charmingly dorky rather than just plain dorky.

Marie raised her eyebrows and smiled at him, so Steve assumed it was well-received. "Nothing much cookin' on my end. How about you, Captain?"

"Not a whole lot," Steve clicked his tongue, moving a little closer still. "So would you say you're free, for the next... twenty minutes?"

Marie's eyes got wide for a moment and her cheeks tinted red noticeably, "Oh. Not anymore, I presume?"

Steve smirked and put his hand on her waist as she threw an arm over his shoulder. As usual, Steve's mind and heart were racing. He had no idea how he just said that, how he just did that. It was totally unlike himself to be doing any of this. It could easily become complicated, even though it wasn't at that moment. With Marie's mouth pressing to his, though,

Steve quickly forgot about all this. Similar to his experience with Alice, Steve pressed Marie up against the wall after a moment or two of kissing. And, again, his partner hooked her leg on his hip and Steve grabbed her thigh. This time, though, Marie dipped her head and kissed down Steve's neck, exposed without his regular Captain America suit on. He squeezed her thigh, then slid it up her skirt a little way, just feeling up her leg. He moved his hand up to her side, then to her chest, and she made a pleasant little noise at his touching.

"This is getting heated quickly," Tony muttered.

"We actually fuck, this time," Steve told him.

Low and behold, it wasn't long before clothes were being discarded and a condom was taken from Steve's pocket.

"Nice choice, of all the girls," Tony said, not paying direct attention to the memory.

"She was really flirtatious before then, so I figured she'd be okay with me being so up-front."

"Logical. I'm going to jump forward and see if we can sort out this blurriness."

"Good idea."

"Maybe you can make some predictions, to see if your memory has decayed much."

"Alright."

Tony went at a speed that allowed them to see what was happening, but not as slow as it had happened. This, more than anything, felt odd for Steve to be doing. Usually, when Tony sped forward through the memories, he couldn't really tell what had been happening, he only got a general impression. Now, they were glossing over a part of his life, and it seemed to be becoming clear as he was re-experiencing it in hyperdrive. His head was starting to ache a little more.

"Blondie, Catherine, I, uh, went down on her for the first time." Steve pointed out, not long before it happened.

"Alrighty," Tony cleared his throat.

They skipped over some mundane things until Steve spoke again, "Ah. The girl with the really dark brunette hair is going to start making out with the one who has short-ish blonde hair in a minute here."

And they did.

"They aren't my first threeway, though, they were only really interested in each other. It was kind of adorable. Made me think of..." Steve paused, in thought.

Tony interjected, "Bucky, yeah?"

"Yeah. I was happy that they got the chance, while they were with us, to be a little more open. A little jealous, too."

"Understandable."

Steve sighed softly and switched the subject, "The girl over there in the dark red lipstick, she's one of the ones I had a threesome with."

"Holy shit, Captain."

"I told you, Tony. The girl with dark auburn hair is the other one, but that doesn't happen for a couple hours. Oh, and... maybe a week or so later, I start fooling around with a couple of the younger guys in the band that plays for us. Yeah, it's definitely in, I'd say, nine days."

They got there quickly enough. Steve kept going through all the girls (and guys) he slept with, as well as predicting exact things he did on different days, though a lot of them were outlined the same. When it came down to it, he and Tony discovered he was able to distinguish parts of his memory most normal humans wouldn't be able to. Assuming Bucky had been subject to super solider experimentation, the boost to his brain power might give him better access to memories. Of course, that might only apply to memories formed after exposure to the experimentation. Tony would have to ask Steve to go back to pre-serum memories again, but not today. He could tell Steve was becoming drained.

"Oh shit," Steve breathed.

"What?"

"Uh. Something's gonna happen, tomorrow. I'm not sure if you'd wanna see."

"Seriously? I just watched you bang your way through a ton of girls after losing your virginity to your best friend. How much worse could it get? Or does this not have to do with sex for a change."

Steve chuckled a little, "It's not, uh, sex. Doesn't go that far. Sex, performing, travelling, and training were pretty much the only things I had to do at that point. In the next few days, though, I'm shipped overseas. I find out about the 107th and decide I'm tired of the stage. Before that, though..."

"Yeah?"

"I run into somebody," Steve trailed off again.

"If you don't tell me I'm just going to let the memory play through, I mean, it's 'tomorrow' already."

"Goddammit, Tony. Do not blame me when you're traumatized."

"Steve you know I will actually stop it, if you want."

"Don't bother. You can watch, but I'm not telling you what's about to happen." If Tony wanted to know that badly, it would be his own damn fault when he didn't like what he saw.

"This again." Tony rolled his eyes and started devoting his attention back to Steve's memories. The day seemed fairly average, they were all preparing to travel overseas as Steve had mentioned. Tony spotted his father a few times, Steve usually waved at him and Howard smiled back most of the time. Yep, everything was normal.

Until sometime in the late afternoon, when Steve and Howard were taking a break, standing off to the side together. They were mainly chit-chatting again, like the first time.

"So, how's life been, Captain?" Howard grinned, Steve smiled back.

"It's been swell," Steve said in a sincere tone.

"I'm glad to hear," Howard said. He leaned in a little, and jabbed Steve in the side, "Didja take my advice at all? Have any fun? Huh? Huh?" he emphasized the last bit with a couple more jabs to the side.

Steve was fairly sure his face got a little red. "Weell..."

"You did not," Howard said, genuine surprise on his face.

"I, well," Steve looked away. Howard punched him.

"You're not serious, Steve."

"I wasn't a virgin before I came here, y'know."

"Coulda fooled me. I didn't think you would actually listen to me when I told you to loosen up. Are ya glad?"

Steve shrugged, "It was fun. I'm much better at.. things, now."

"Oh really?" Howard bumped Steve's side with his elbow once more, "like what?"

"Kissing?"

"Aah. How much better?"

"I don't know. A lot, probably. Though I'm sure not as good as you," Steve said. It was mostly an attempt to get the conversation off himself, Steve could remember. It seemed to have registered with Howard as a challenge, though, by the look of his raised eyebrows. His eyes reminded Steve of Bucky, always twinkling with mischief.

They held each other's gaze for a moment or so more before Howard responded. "Wouldn't you like to know, Captain?" He winked, not unlike he had at Susie the USO girl.

"Maybe I would, Stark," Steve answered, acting bold. He wasn't sure what exactly he was doing. He wasn't sure what Howard was doing.

"Oh no," Tony muttered.

"Just you wait, Tony" Steve said back, voice a little malicious and a little amused.

Howard, again, tilted his brow upwards. He glanced around, then tilted his head to the side ever so slightly. Steve followed his motion and realised they weren't far from a supply closet. Cliché, but not something Steve was unfamiliar with. There were a lot of supply closets around, a lot of stuff to be done in them, and a lot of people to do it with.

The two of them slowly slunk into said closet without another word, hopefully unnoticed. They spent a moment sort of staring at each other, waiting, until Steve closed the distance between them, placing a hand on Howard's waist. Howard leaned up and their lips met.

"Whoa, no. Yeah. We stop this here." Tony skipped to the next day entirely, and Steve winced.

"Yeah. I fuckin' warned you, Stark," Steve sighed. It was actually pretty funny, though. "My head hurts. "

"Yeeah. We're almost done. Can we just do one more thing this time? I want to go through a memory after you find Bucky again."

"Sure." Steve shut his eyes as Tony searched for a memory after Steve rescued Bucky from the Hydra base but before Bucky "died". As expected, it didn't take Tony long to find a memory of Steve and Bucky alone in a tent, sitting on a cot together.

Steve's eyes were scanning Bucky's face. Bucky looked more tired than anything, in Steve's opinion.

Steve took a deep breath, "It's too quiet. Can we talk?"

Bucky looked up at Steve. He had to do that, now, Steve noticed. He was sure Bucky noticed, too. "Talk about what, Steve?"

"Anything," Steve said, "anything you want." Steve allowed a brief silence before opening his mouth again, "It doesn't have to be about what went on, before I got you back. We cantalk about that when you're ready, whether that be today or a year from now."

Bucky nodded, "Not now." His gaze fell elsewhere for a beat or two, while Steve just continued studying Bucky's face. Bucky's eyes returned to Steve's, then he leaned in, pressing his lips to Steve's. Steve was a little surprised, somehow, but eagerly kissed back. Their lips parted and their tongues met. Bucky groaned as Steve pushed closer. They broke it off before things got too heated. Bucky was the one who looked surprised when he pulled away, "Mh. I don't remember you doing that before I left.."

"Oh, uh," Steve felt his face get hot. "I guess this is something we can talk about." Steve cleared his throat. "Remember how we said we could, uh, do stuff with others while you were away?"

Bucky blinks a couple times. "Really?"

Steve immediately feels his stomach drop, "I-I'm sorry, Bucky, I really didn't think you would care all that much. It didn't-"

"Steve, Steve, no. I don't care. We made an agreement, I remember that." Steve still felt awful, but he nodded. "I just. I can't believe. You. Who was it?"

"Uh. A handful of the USO girls. Maybe a couple chorus guys. Howard Stark, but only kissing."

Bucky raised his eyebrows, "Holy shit, Steve." He shook his head.

"Are you sure you're okay? I mean, I can't take it back, but... I just. I never meant to hurt you."

"Steve, I'm not hurt," Bucky said, taking his hand. "Well, not by anything you did," Bucky gave Steve a grim smile.

Steve squeezed Bucky's hand. "I'm only yours, from now on."

Bucky nodded. "I believe you, Steve. Say, what about that girl at the bar... Peggy?"

Steve chewed on his lip, "She's one hellova gal. I like her. She saw me, even before," Steve gestured with his free hand to his body, "this. But she's not you."

Bucky gave another nod. Steve pecked him on the lips, brushing his thumb over the back of Bucky's hand.

"I'm sorry I'm not much for conversation right now, Steve."

"It's fine. Are you sure there's nothing bothering you? Aside from the obvious."

Bucky just shrugged his shoulders. Steve nudged Bucky's shoulder with his forehead. "Tell me. You used to never shut up."

Bucky took a deep breath. He seemed shaky, to Steve.

"Please?" Steve murmured, looking down at their interlocked fingers.

"I don't know what way is up anymore, Steve. Everything's changed and I don't know how to handle it. You don't need me anymore."

Steve sat up, squeezing Bucky's hand again. Bucky looked up at him, presumably startled by the sudden movement. Steve felt like he had a good idea of what Bucky was talking about, now. He knew him too well. "The fuck I don't, Bucky. I need you now as much as I always did. Only now, I can protect you, too. I don't have to sit on the sidelines or rely on you, but that doesn't mean I don't need you by my side to help me. You are the reason I saved all those men, I left on the slim chance you were still alive, and that hope kept me going. I need you, whether we're in fighting in battle or in Brooklyn living an average life. And, hell, even more than that; not only do I still need you, but Bucky, I want you. Life's gonna be different now that I'm Captain America, but I still want you in every aspect of it. I want to be with you more than anything in the world."

Bucky was, at that point, hiding his face in Steve's shoulder. Steve was fairly sure Bucky was tearing up, but he didn't say anything. He just held Bucky's hand.  
It felt peacefully quiet, now that that had been said. Steve wasn't sure Bucky completely believed him, but Steve had faith he would, with time, realise how much Steve still needed him.

"Steve?" Bucky mumbled, after a minute or two.

"Yeah, Bucky?" Steve whispered back. He felt it inappropriate to speak any louder.

"If we ever get outta this war, and if," Bucky paused, to take a definitely shaky breath, "if they ever let guys like us, y'know... get married," Bucky paused again, gripping Steve's hand tighter. "Will you marry me?"

Steve swallowed, pressing his lips into a tight line to keep from grinning. "Of course, Bucky. I'd love to marry you."

"Okay," Bucky sniffed. "Good."

"I love you, Bucky."

"I love you, too, Steve."

The two of them kissed, again.

"Well," Tony started, "I definitely think that's enough for tonight." He pressed in a few buttons to deactivate the machine, and helped get Steve unattached to all the components of it. After that, Steve stood up and stretched.

"Thank Christ. As fun as it was to relive those memories, it takes a toll on the head. You might want to look into that."

"Are you sure it was the memories that are hurting your head? Could it, perhaps, be over-exposure to me?"

"That's a definite possibility, Stark."

Tony chuckled as they started up the stairs to one of the domestic levels of the Stark/Avengers Tower. "That was extremely enlightening. I now know things about my father I dearly wish I didn't. The rest of it was mainly just funny and actually a tad heart-breaking."

"I will admit I do feel a little bad that you know I made out with your father. A little."

"Can you not talk about that? Like, ever. Also, don't you have a wedding to be planning now?"

Steve raised his eyebrow at Tony. He didn't have a chance to respond if he wanted to, Tony was already yapping again.

"Same-sex marriage is legal in New York. If all goes as planned, soon enough you'll have Bucky back. I literally just saw him propose to you. What, are you waiting for your ring before you start drawing up invitations?"

Steve smiled, "I haven't really thought that far ahead. Mainly focusing on the getting him back stage of things. And, who knows? I'm true to my word, I would love to marry him. We'll see what happens once he, y'know, fully recognizes me and stuff."

Tony smiled back, "Good idea, Cap. I'm rooting for you two now more than ever."

"You're a sucker for a sob-story, huh?"

"A little bit."

"Good to know. I'm tired as hell, though, Tony. I'm guessing that wasn't the only test you want to put me through before we test a much more sensitive subject, correct?"

"Correctomundo, Captain. We can talk scheduling tomorrow. Just go get some rest. I'd suggest popping a painkiller but that won't help, so, g'night."

"Goodnight, Tony. And thanks for helping with this. Even though your technology is invasive as fuck."

"Hey, that's what I'm here for! To be helpful in the most inconvenient way possible."

Steve snorted and shook his head, taking the turn down his hallway. Tony waved and kept going to the stairwell that would lead him to his own room.

Steve went to his room and flopped down on his bed. He thought about Bucky, and, for a change of pace from the entire evening, he thought about the future. He had no idea what the future held, but he truly hoped it involved Bucky. Steve knew he would never be the same. He was never going to be the same after Steve rescued him from HYDRA the first time.

But that didn't matter to Steve. He was happy to have Bucky Barnes in any shape or form, and that, at least, wasn't unrealistic. He knew Bucky was alive, that he had even the slightest chance of reuniting with him.

That much was enough to keep Steve going.


End file.
